Why you need to be Prioritizing your Marriage Every Day

Guys I have such a treat for you today! Amberly of A Prioritized Marriage and I have switched blogs today. Here Amberly talks about why you need to prioritize your marriage every day, and over on her blog, I’ve shared how you can build a marriage that endures all things. I hope you enjoy what Amberly has to say here and then you’ll head to her blog to check out my post as well!

When I tell people that I have a goal to make my marriage a priority throughout every stage of our lives, I usually get a lot of positive reactions from whomever I’m talking to. Unfortunately those comments are often followed by, “I wish we could make our marriage a priority but…” and then a list one of many reasons why they don’t have the time to focus more on the relationship that they have with their spouse. For those of you who may be thinking this exact same thing, I have a couple of “prioritizing your marriage” clarifications that I want to share with you.

Prioritizing your marriage doesn’t mean: That you have to put all of your energy into your marriage, every hour of every day. That you can’t have a life or spend time with friends outside your marriage. or that there aren’t other things in your life that are a priority or need to come first sometimes.

Prioritizing your marriage does mean: That you find ways to connect with your spouse on a daily basis. That you schedule time on a regular basis to spend time together just the two of you. That you do little things to show your spouse that you’re thinking about them (think love languages). That you set goals to make your marriage better, take time to think about your spouse often and consider them when making big decisions.

*Defining “prioritizing your marriage” taken from ‘Why You Need to Make Your Spouse a Priority Every Day!‘ from A Prioritized Marriage.*

There are a lot of reasons that I could share with you for why you need to make time for your spouse on a regular basis. The biggest one that I tell anyone and everyone who will listen is this: If you don’t make your marriage a priority, there will come a day when you won’t have a marriage relationship to enjoy. (My other big reasons can be found in this post.) If we choose to make work, our children, or any other number of responsibilities a priority over the relationship that we have with our spouse, what will happen to our marriage after those other responsibilities fall away?

A lot of things are important in life and deserve our attention, but marriage is forever, and it NEEDS attention on a daily basis in order to last. I can only speak for myself with this one, but I’d assume and hope that the majority of you feel the same way. Your project load at work will ebb and flow and one day you will retire (hopefully). Friends may always be there for you, but they have families of their own. Your kids will move out and start families of their own and you’ll be alone with your spouse. The different seasons of life will come and go, and you vowed to be with your spouse through all of them. Don’t let outside distractions and other responsibilities take the front seat!

The reason that I hear most often for why couples aren’t putting effort into their marriage on a regular basis is children. Kids are a priority, don’t get me wrong, and I know that depending on their age and activities, they are a big time commitment. Having two young kids of my own, I know just how difficult it is to make a plan and not have one of them get sick, or not go to bed nicely, or something else that means we have to change our plans or cancel them altogether. My husband and I don’t have hours each day, or even every week to spend alone together, and I don’t expect you to either. I can however tell you from personal experience that it is possible to make time for your marriage, if you are determined to make it a priority! Each stage of our lives has come with new obstacles and challenges that would make it easy for us to push our marriage aside and tell ourselves that we will make time for our relationship with each other after things calm down. I hate to break it to you but things will never calm down, I’ve learned that from experience.

When we were first married, I was in school and my husband worked mid-day shifts which meant that we were only home and awake at the same time for about an hour each day. A few years later my class and homework load became heavier as I pursued my degree in Family Studies. At the same time, my husband was still working retail and also working to maintain his quickly growing lawn care company. In the year when we bought a house, added our first baby, my husband made a job change and I worked to complete my last three semesters of school, things got really crazy. I was so excited for that busy time in our lives to come to a close, but when it finally did, other things came in and took the place of those things that we’d gotten rid of.

Less than a year ago, we found ourselves balancing our time between home and the NICU, which also meant that we had to find a way to spend quality time with two little ones who both needed and deserved our care and attention. That was one of the hardest times in our marriage, but it taught me a lot about the things that are most important in life and making time for them. As we worked to find the perfect balance and routine for those three weeks, our children were our first priority, they had to be. We had a toddler who thrived on routine and missed being home with both of his parents at the same time. And we had a preemie in the hospital who needed our care and love as she worked to gain weight and strength so that she could come home. Despite all of that, we made time for our marriage! We found moments each day to be present with each other and enjoy each other’s company without getting distracted and talking about the challenges that we were currently facing.

I’m here to tell you that it can be done, you can make your marriage a priority! I’ve done it, and I will continue to do it because my marriage is important to me. My husband and I find that a lot of days we have less than half an hour of quality time together, and some days that time is still interrupted by our children’s needs. It is worth it to us to take that time to work on our relationship because we want it to last forever.

“If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by.” – F. Burton Howard

There is a term, “grey divorce”, that refers to a significant number of couples who decide to end their marriage later in life. My theory (not based on any research that I know of) is that these couples woke up one day and realized that they didn’t know who they were as a couple anymore. I would like to help couples avoid this by inspiring them to treat their marriage with the importance that it deserves, no matter what stage in life they are in.

No matter what your current life situation is, there will always be something keeping you from spending every minute of every day together. Some stages may allow for more free time than others, but there will always be other responsibilities that need to be taken care of. Don’t let your commitments take up all of your time. Make time for your marriage! If you don’t, you will be begin to drift apart and one day you might wake up to find that you have become roommates rather than lovers. Make your marriage a priority and you will have a confidant, partner and best friend to make it through every stage of life with.