Fighting is inevitable in marriage. In fact, if anyone were to tell me that that they don’t ever fight with their spouse, I would either a) not believe them at all or b) be very concerned for their marriage. Fighting in marriage is good and healthy if done the right way. And yes there is a right and wrong way to fight. For instance, you shouldn’t threaten your husband to get him to do what you want because he can most likely come back with a bigger threat, like one time when we were in Target and Pearson left me. I had no idea where he was so…
Ok we weren’t really serious about this, but you get the idea. Fighting in marriage is not about “winning” or having the better argument, threat, or ideas. It’s about letting the other person know what upsets you and working through it together. Lets look at some tips for how to fight clean and healthy.
- Don’t bring up past arguments. Pearson and I attended a weekend marriage seminar at Harding when we were engaged and this was one of the big points. The couple presenting this point said that after they have a fight, they flush the argument down the toilet. Literally. They write the problem down on a piece of paper throw it in the toilet and flush. This somewhat ridiculous gesture helps them remember that the issue is over and will not affect future conflicts. You see, when you unnecessarily bring up old arguments, it only fuels the fire and doesn’t help anything. Everybody makes mistakes, but we learn from them and move on.
- Stay in control. Controlling a temper is a real problem for a lot of people. Sometimes we need to take a step back and look at the big picture before we blow up about a little issue and regret it later.
- On that note, go to bed angry if you must. I lot of people say to never go to bed angry, but sometimes you need to sleep on it and you’ll be more rational in the morning.
- However, do talk about it eventually. Don’t just let it go and never talk about it because the issue will come back and probably worse next time. Your spouse is not a mind reader. Talk about what is bothering you after you’ve had time to calm down and think about what the real issue is.
- Listen and try to see his or her perspective. Sometimes anger clouds our judgement and we can’t see any other sides to the argument. If you can stop and put yourself in the other’s shoes, you just might realize you are not right on this one.
- And sometimes, there is not really a “right” and straight forward answer., so be willing to compromise. Maybe the best solution is some sort of combination of your two ideas that makes you both happy.
- And the most important thing is to go to God about it. If I am angry over something Pearson said or did, I try to stop and pray before I say anything. I ask God for the guidance to know what to say and how to express my feelings without crushing my husband and causing an unnecessarily huge controversy.
How do you handle arguing in your marriage? Do you have any more tips to add?
Thanks for reading!
I enjoy what you guys are usually up too. This sort of clever work and reporting! Keep up the good works.