Today is our 5th wedding anniversary. When we got married back in 2012, five years seemed so far away to me. But now that it’s here, it seems like it flew by. In some ways at least. But when I think about all we’ve been through with grad school and lots of traveling, buying two new cars, adopting a dog, and not to mention adjusting to married life, it seems like we’ve been married for a long time. In a good way.

I love that this marriage seems natural. It seems like we’ve always been married, not because it’s been terrible, but because it’s so comfortable. I feel like our relationship is so much deeper and more intimate now than it was when we first got married. We may not be in the honeymoon phase anymore, but we’ve been through so much together that our bond is that much stronger.

I love coming home to him (or waiting for him to come home) and feeling safe, loved, and happy. He is my happy place.

But that’s enough of the sappy stuff. On to today’s post. The 5 most difficult lessons I’ve learned in 5 years of marriage!

ONE || He actually wants to do things with me.

TWO || It’s so easy to take each other for granted. 

Everybody always tells you not to take each other for granted in any relationship, but especially when you’re about to get married. And I think most people think that will never happen. At least that’s what we thought. But it’s so easy to do.

When you’re dating and not living together, you have to put in a lot of effort to see each other and hang out. Naturally, you appreciate each other more. Not to mention, you are very much “in love” and still trying to impress each other.

The trick is to continue that thinking into marriage. After you’re living together and see each other all the time. When you share everything and just do life together. When you start to believe that he or she will always be there. When things outside of the marriage (career, kids etc) start to seem more important because you’ve done the work for the marriage already. That’s when you have to put in the effort to make your spouse feel like they are the most important person in your world, because they should be. I hope they are.

THREE || He wants my love, admiration, and respect. 

You’re probably thinking “well duh,” but hear me out. I know he wants these things, but sometimes I hold back because I don’t want to look desperate or too attached or crazy.

I truly think this belief came from media bombarding me with negativity toward women who are too emotional and attached and “crazy.”

Recently I’ve decided that I don’t care what people say about this. I know Pearson doesn’t care so I’m not holding back anymore! Actually, that’s not true. I still hold back sometimes. Old habits are hard to break.

FOUR || It’s okay to have other hobbies. 

For the first few years of our lives, I didn’t really have any hobbies separate from Pearson. Actually, that’s not entirely true. I had this blog. But my mindset was that I didn’t really have my own hobbies and interests and didn’t care to pursue them. I just wanted to do whatever Pearson was doing. And if I’m being honest, I would even get offended and upset when he would do his own thing like playing guitar or video games over hanging out with me. Especially when he started working 80 hours per week and we never saw each other.

But I’ve learned that it’s okay and actually healthy to have your own hobbies. And there’s nothing wrong with enjoying each other’s hobbies every once in a while for the sake of companionship as I talked about in my first point. Sometimes we’ll even spend time together in the same room doing totally separate things. He’ll play guitar and I’ll bring my laptop into the “guitar room” and blog in there.

With all that being said, I’ve also learned that it’s okay to not have hobbies. Yes I consider my blog a hobby. But sometimes it feels more like a job than a hobby. Other than that, I don’t really have hobbies. Maybe reading. Does that count? And social media influencing? Netflix binging? Not having multiple hobbies used to really bother me but now I try not to let it. There’s nothing wrong with it. I don’t feel like there’s something major missing from my life. It’s fine!

FIVE || You need each other to lean on. 

As I mentioned earlier, we’ve been through alot together. And I know we will go through a lot more in our life together. I’ll admit, sometimes I get frustrated when Pearson is upset about something. But that’s not good. We promised to love each other for better or for worse. While sometimes that may need to look like tough love, it should never look like giving up on each other. Sometimes it may look like helping each other to get professional help elsewhere but it never looks like blowing up at each other when you can’t take it anymore.

We are each other’s biggest cheerleaders and support group. Sometimes we may need more support from friends and family and people in similar situations, but our spouse will always be that first layer of support.

Marriage is certainly a life long learning process. You never stop learning about each other or how you work together. The trick is putting what you learn into practice and admitting when you’re wrong and fall back into old habits. Here’s to always working to better our relationship! And here’s to many more anniversaries!

When is your anniversary?
How long have you been married?
What are some things you’ve learned in your marriage?
Thanks for reading!

Follow me on social media: