Hey guys! I gave a great guest post for you today! While I have said in the past that sometimes you just need to go to bed angry (and I still believe that) Heather makes some great points about how to argue with your partner in a healthy way! Take it away, Heather!

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The best thing you can do for your relationship as it pertains to fighting, is to address the issue, resolve it, and stop arguing before you ever go to bed. It is important to not drag out the matter at hand. The longer a fight continues, the worse it is going to get. Relationships can be saved when couples address and diffuse the problem quickly.

Fighting is Normal

One of the most important things to remember is that relationships are hard and fighting is not only inevitable, but it’s completely normal. There are always going to be fights and arguments, and there may even be hurt feelings. As long as you and your partner work together to argue in a way that is healthy and beneficial, there is nothing wrong with fighting. Just remember that the overall intention should be to find a way to resolve the problem.

No two people are going to agree on all things in life so fights are guaranteed to occur. On the same note, no two people are going to argue the same, either. Some choose to yell, while others choose to give the silent treatment. Others do it more constructively than either of those methods, however, and those are the people who tend to end fights on a good note before real damage is done to the relationship.

How to Fight Constructively

1. Don’t bring up every issue at one time.

Instead, it is more beneficial to bring up only the current issue. It is important to resolve the issue that started the fight before attempting to bring up other problems. Only after the triggering issue is resolved should you bring up other problems you are having with the relationship. Bringing everything up at once could just make your partner feel defensive, attacked, and hurt. None of those feelings will be beneficial to the resolution of the problem.

2. Don’t yell.

When yelling begins, hurt feelings and more anger are sure to follow. Instead, talk in a calm, normal voice. This tends to push the problem towards a more effective solution  quicker and more efficiently.

3. Take a minute to walk away from the argument.

In order to argue in a more constructive way, it is important to recognize your feelings. If you tend to blame the other person, yell, give the silent treatment, or any other negative action, you should learn to anticipate when you are going to react that way. This way, when you feel like you might lash out, you can take a deep breath and a break from the argument. Revisit it as soon as you are feeling like you can return to the situation with a constructive mentality.

4. Be willing to admit when you are wrong.

You aren’t going to be in the right during every argument with your partner. Just like you would want them to do for you, you should be willing to admit when you are wrong. Your partner may bring up good points during the argument that make you see how you were wrong. When this is the case, choose to admit it, move on,and get past the fight.

5. Don’t argue when you are tired.

When you are tired, you are more likely to be irritable and perhaps irrational. You may end up saying things you don’t mean, making the argument much worse than it would have been if you’d waited. Get some rest; you may not be as mad once you wake up, and you will have a clearer head going into the argument.

Final Thoughts on How to Get Your Point Across in a Constructive Way

Every couple fights, even those who have been together for decades. It is a normal part of any relationship. As long as you both find ways to argue constructively, you should be able to resolve the issues and move forward in your relationship.

In the heat of the moment, remembering to have a constructive argument may be difficult, but it is possible with consistent practice. You and your partner will both be happy about it because having a civil conversation to resolve issues is better than anger, hurt feelings, and drawn out fights.