A few weeks ago, as I was reading The Happy Wives Club by Fawn Weaver, I came across something I thought was interesting.
Fawn had interviewed a couple who’s marriage had been arranged. I’ve heard in the past that arranged marriages usually last longer and work out better than the marriages we’re used to in the US where two people fall in love and decide to get married. As I read Fawn’s words, and thought about it on my own, the more it made sense as to why.
Arranged marriages are arranged by a family who knows and loves you and has your best interests at heart.
In a non-arranged marriage, we fall in love first. When we fall in love, we’re often blinded by that love and don’t listen to our family if they are warning us against marrying a person.
People in an arranged marriage have expectations to respect each other and help each other in life forever. If they ever feel love towards each other, it comes later.
Some people in a non-arranged marriage have expectations to feel in love forever. The feeling comes first and often eventually fades.
People in an arranged marriage married to have someone to love. They marry because their lives would be better together.
People in a non-arranged marriage married because they were in love. They marry because they think they can’t live without the other person.
There’s quite a bit of difference here. For the most part, people in an arranged marriage have this attitude of respect and perseverance. They got married to start a family or to help their own family’s standing or to continue their family line. These may be noble causes but to people in our culture (at least my culture) they seem unfair to the couple.
But I think they’re on to something. We put too much stock on the feeling of love. That (usually) doesn’t last. At least it doesn’t last to the degree it was while dating. Especially not in the hard times.
I’ve talked about it before, but people in our society have the wrong attitude about marriage. Young people today go into a marriage thinking it’s temporary. They think “if something goes wrong, or if I’m not attracted to him any more in a few years, I can just get out!” It’s so backwards! (Click to Tweet)
People in these cultures of arranged marriages don’t even contemplate the possibility of divorce. It’s just not an option. It’s like the word isn’t even in their vocabulary. Why would they ever divorce? After their families went through the trouble to arrange this?? After they created a life and a home together with kids and careers?? Who would ever think of that?
And that’s the attitude we need to have! An attitude of respect and the choice (not the feeling) to love each other forever, no matter what. In sickness and in health. For richer or for poorer. Till DEATH do us part! (Click to Tweet)
Marriage can be hard at times. But all it takes is a little work and prioritization. It won’t be as hard as it seems if you just go at it with the attitude that it won’t fail!
What do you think? Do people who arrange marriages have it right? Do they at least have some of it right?
Thanks for reading!
