Find Stuff to do Together

Once upon a time, I read the book His Needs, Her Needs (aff) by Willard F. Harley Jr. Actually, Pearson and I both read it along with a group of young married couples from our church. We met once a month to discuss.

One of “his needs” that a lot of the women (including me) admitted they hadn’t understood before reading this book was his need for companionship. We all assumed that our husbands would much rather go to a sporting event with his buddies. We thought he’d want to spend time with other guy friends and when we said we would stay home, we were actually doing him a favor. We thought, when he said he wanted us to be there, he was just “trying to be a good husband.”

But we were wrong.

It turns out, companionship with one’s partner is really important. Especially to men. I was really taken aback by that. I never would have guessed that Pearson actually wanted me to like the stuff he does and to go with him to whatever event he wanted to go to. I thought he was content to hang out with someone else who appreciates whatever they were doing as much as he does. But no, he wants me specifically. He wants to share things with me, his wife. It’s actually really sweet.

So, I learned this a few years ago when we read the book, but I forgot it again. Both Pearson and I sort of dropped the ball on companionship this year. We stopped going on intentional dates. He worked a lot. As in 80+ hours per week including several over-nights and never being home before 10:00. We hung out with people separately a lot. And when we did get time together, we usually spent it sitting in front of the TV because he was exhausted from work and I was depressed.

It took a toll on our relationship. It really really did. We discovered we weren’t best friends anymore. We discovered we didn’t have a lot in common anymore. And we decided to change that.

So, first we started talking and communicating a lot more and figured a lot of things out including the fact that we stopped doing things together. Then, we stopped watching TV. We started making each other the most important people in our lives. We set a goal to go on one intentional date every week and we can’t do the same date twice in one month. We also set a goal this month to do something “Christmassy” together every day. And we made a plan for next year to learn German together and to make another Date Night Bucket List and actually stick to it this time.

This is only going to be the beginning. I know we’re going to form hobbies together and keep adventuring together. Our marriage will only get better with time as long as we keep nurturing it, keep the friendship alive, and make each other a priority.

I have a list of activities on my phone for us to do together. Some include watching bad movies and making fun of them, bowling and putt-putt, trying ethnic foods, video games, and attending live theatre. There are lots date idea lists on the internet. A few that I’ve written include: Date Ideas for a Rainy Day, Spring Date Ideas, Fall Date Ideas, Winter Date Ideas, Christmas Date Ideas, and At Home Date Ideas. And Sheila of To Love, Honor, and Vacuum recently published a list of 79 hobbies to do with your spouse! And be sure to sign up for Amberly’s newsletter to get Seasonal Date Night Bucket Lists!